


I didn't leave you

by Thegirlonfireshipsdestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Baking Pie, Cas POV, Destiel - Freeform, Graduation, Lawrence - Freeform, Multi, Pi Day, bobby and ellen are married, but then he accepts himself, dean i straight, fluffy stuffy things, heartbreak sorry, mary is alive, rommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 09:09:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4601133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thegirlonfireshipsdestiel/pseuds/Thegirlonfireshipsdestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has developed a huge crush on his very heterosexual roommate, Dean. Dean loves Cas, but in a totally platonic way.<br/>How long will he take to realize the truth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic in first person and I really love how it turned out. please do leave me some feedback, I wanna know what you think!!
> 
> **Btw adonis is an old greek term used to refer to a hella attractive guy ;)   
>  UPDATE: Thanks to some great feedback I've edited the whole format of this fic so the paragraphs are properly spaced. I hope this helps you enjoy the story better.

One of my most frustrating experiences in life, after baking ofcourse, is waking up to Dean Winchesters stupid gorgeous face every day. I've been a morning person for as long as I can remember, but ever since I fell in love with my roommate-well I don't think I need to explain the details of how that was a total disaster.

I check the time in my phone even though I know that it's probably around 6 am (somehow I just automatically wake up at that time), and slowly lift myself into a seated position. I try to look anywhere but at the man sleeping across the room from me, but oh yeah, did I mention that he's sleeping right across the room from me? I've been trying and failing for the past two years not to ogle Dean, but in my own defense, I would like to state that he is pretty damn smoking. With his plump lips and forest green eyes, not to mention his well-toned body. I see all the girls staring at him all the time, and I can't blame them because who the hell hasn't had fantasies of this guy?

I reluctantly drag my eyes away from the beautiful sleeping man 4 feet away, and quietly collect my toiletries' bag and make my way to the communal bathroom. I take a warm shower and brush my teeth, enjoying the solitude and quiet. There are usually very few people here at 6 in the morning, which is perfect. I don't have classes until 9 or later, but as I said: morning person. When I walk back into our room, I have to be careful not to wake Dean as I change my clothes and pack my messenger bag.   
In about 20 minutes I'm out the door and on my way to the library, where I usually grab some breakfast (the coffee shop downstairs makes divine bagels) and do some studying or reading. These are the moments where I can really just relax, because I'm all alone. After class I'm usually with Dean in our room, or I hang out with Charlie. Dean's been out quite a few nights these last two weeks though, supposedly at a friend's. I have my own theories about Dean's relationship status, but he hasn't told me about having a girlfriend, and I don't push him for information. That's the good thing about having Dean as a friend, we don't talk too much about feelings and gory details, and we never force each other our of our comfort zones. We just enjoy each other's company, even if it's in silence. Almost everything we do is together, and we've gotten so used to it that I really can't imagine it any other way. I was pretty nervous about what my roommate would be like, when I first showed up here freshman year, but developing a huge gay crush on my roommie was definitely not on my list of fears. Drug abuser, sex addict, creepy nerd, prank lord; that was what I thought would make a scary roommate, but no, I got something so much worse than all of those. I got a talented, kind-hearted, completely heterosexual Adonis.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean looks so adorable just as he's waking up, it makes me mad. I can't help but notice the muscles in his arms flex as he stretches them over his head. I just want to pounce on him and rip all his clothes off. I don't.

"Mornin' Cas" he sounds so cheerful today, too cheerful.

"Good morning" I smile at him from where I'm sitting on my bed and push my reading glasses higher up on my nose as I coolly turn my attention back to my laptop. I try to continue typing the report I'm working on, but suddenly Dean hops out of bed so fast his blanket falls to the floor, and when I glance over at him, there's mischief in his eyes. He's standing with his hands on his hips and he's staring at me like he's waiting for something. I want to kiss that wide grin right off of his face so bad, but I'm pretty sure that's not what he wants.

"What?" Why is he so happy? I feel like I'm missing something.

"Are you freaking kidding me, Cas?" He's still smiling but he drops his arms to his sides and he's shaking his head at me like I'm a disgrace to human kind.

"What is it?" I repeat, louder this time. What did I forget?

"It's only the most important day in the year," His green eyes are too intense, but I can't look away, "It's Pi Day!" He exclaims, waving his arms in a "duh" gesture.

"Ooooh" I smack my forehead, feeling stupid. Pi day. Of course, today is March 14th.

"Ooohh" Dean mimicks me mockingly and rolls his eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be the nerd" he mumbles as he grabs his things before heading out to go use the bathroom.

When Dean comes back, his damp hair is sticking to his forhead a bit and I wish I could say that he didn't look attractive with his hair wild and untidy, but unfortunately I can't. I realized a long time ago that it is physically impossible for Dean Winchester to not look attractive. I know it. He knows it.

"Okay, so I'm gonna get going. Mom's probably waiting for me to start baking the pies." Dean says while putting on his plaid overshirt. He then throws on his leather jacket and adjusts the collar in the mirror.

"Oh. Right. Yeah" he had mentioned that he was going back to home to Lawrence to spend the weekend with his family. It's almost and hour's drive, but he goes home pretty often, about once a month depending on how busy he is.

Dean throws a few more things into his duffel bag and then grabs the keys to his impala. "So what are you gonna do this weekend? Any plans?" He asks, leaning casually on the door.

"Nothing much. I'm probably just gonna keep working on this report for Women in History." I shrug nonchalantly.

Dean licks his lips and nods a few times. He doesn't move to leave though, just looks down with a thoughful expression. "You know what?" He looks back up at me. "No. You're coming home with me this weekend." He declares, pushing off the door and walking over to our shared closet. He takes out a pair of jeans, and a t shirt. He throws the jeans at me and stuffs the shirt into his duffel.

"Huh?" I close my laptop and pick the jeans up from where they landed on the foot of my bed.

"Come on. It's my favorite day of the year, Cas, and I just don't feel like leaving you behind" He lifts a shoulder lightly and stuffs his hands into his pockets. He looks so sincere, and I want to make up an excuse, but his offer-more like demand but whatever-is too tempting.

"I really don't want to intrude on your family" I say half-heartedly as I stand up.

"Nah, don't worry about it. You're practically family, man. So put on your pants, and let's go."

I look at him for another silent moment before giving in. "Okay" I nod. "Thank you"

"Awesome. I'm gonna go wait in the car. Don't take forever!" He picks up his duffel and walks out the door, giving me space to quickly change out of my sweatpants and into the dark blue jeans he gave me. I then put my laptop and it's charger into my messenger bag and double-check my hoodie's pocket for my phone. Then, I step into my sneakers and leave, locking the door behind me.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean and I don't speak much during the drive. I asked him how his family was doing, and after telling me they were fine, and that they were probably going to be thrilled to see me, he asked me if he could put on some music. He knows that I don't like heavy metal and rock very much, so he plays it softly, and skips through the extremely noisy songs. He's always so considerate. I try to read to kill the time, but my head begins to hurt when I read in a moving car, so I can't do it for very long. I spend the rest of my time either staring at Dean, or out the rolled-down window. Even though we're sitting right beside each other, Dean still feels so far away. It's my fault actually, I've been subtly pushing him away ever since sophomore year started last fall. It's not like I'm ignoring him or avoiding him or anything like that, it's more of a hyperawareness of every detail about him. Like how I stare too long at his naked torso when he changes his shirt. Or how I don't tickle him, or bump him, or touch him in any way. I can't. Because now that I want our relationship to be more than platonic, I have to be extra careful about not falling for him any harder than I already have. I just don't trust myself around him anymore. A year ago I was throwing popcorn at his face and wrestling him for the last cookie; now, I can't bear the thought of him pushing stray strands of hair out of my face.

I'm still watching Dean when he looks over and catches me in the act. I immediately look away, and that's when I notice that we're already in Lawrence.

"We're almost there." Dean says, and I nod without looking at him. I'm suddenly nervous about spending time with his family, and either my roommate is psychic or I look pretty scared, because then he says "I'm sure Sammy's gonna be glad to see you. He's always asking how you're doing. And mom is gonna be thrilled to have another person to feed." He chuckles.

"Thanks for bringing me along, Dean" I offer him a smile and hope that he knows just how grateful I am.

"Don't mention it. I'm glad you're here, Cas." He says softly, looking at the road again. I watch the blur of houses pass as he makes his way easily through the streets where he grew up. I recognize the Winchester house as soon as its in sight, and a crooked smile appears on Dean's lips as he parks and honks twice to announce our arrival. "Ready?" He reaches into the back seat to grab his duffel, and I let out a breath and nod.

"Yeah" I get out of the car and follow Dean up the porch steps. Before we can even ring the bell, the door swings open and a blonde woman rushes out to hug Dean.

"Hey mom" he says into her hair before awkwardly pulling away. She looks like she never wants to let go of him, but then she notices me standing there and smiles.

"Castiel!" She gives me a quick hug.

"Hello Mrs. Winchester. It's nice to see you again."

"Call me Mary hon, please, and you too! I'm so glad Dean brought you home. Now come on in." She starts walking back inside, and Dean and I follow suit. I close the door behind me, and that's when I hear another "Dean!"

When I turn around I see Sam wrapping his arms around his brother in a fierce hug. "Hiya Sammy. Damn you got tall, kid" Dean looks Sam up and down like he's seeing him for the first time and then clears his throat and reintroduces us.

"Uh, you remember Cas, right? Sam, Cas, Cas, Sam" he gestures between us, and I reach forward to shake Sam's hand. "You've grown so much since I last saw you, Sam" I can barely recognize this tall, strong, shaggy-haired young man.

"It must be the healthy food." He chuckles. "You should try it, Dean" he adds, elbowing his brother playfully "Shut up, bitch" Dean mumbles as he removes his jacket and tosses it onto the couch.

"Jerk." Sam retorts.

"Boys! Language!!" Mary looks genuinely angry as she slaps Dean's arm, but her eyes are smiling.

"Ow!" He and Sam share a knowing glance and try to hold back their laughs.

"Now, come on. Are you gonna make some pies or what" Mary walks into the kitchen and Dean immediately follows.

"Hell yeah I'm gonna make some pies!" Dean wraps his arms around his mother's neck from behind. "So what've you got for me mom?" He gives her a kiss on the cheek before letting go of her and inspecting the various ingredients on the countertop.

"I have apples, pumpkin for Sammy, and cherry for you, honey, as always" Mary gently caresses Dean's cheek before going to take some eggs out of the fridge.

"Alright. Let the pie day festivities begin!" Dean says loudly as he rolls his sleeves up over his elbows. Mary chuckles and pulls a large mixing bowl of one of the cupboards. She then notices me standing in the doorway, and smiles warmly.

"Castiel! Are you hungry? Or thirsty? What can I get you?" She opens the fridge wide and surveys it's contents.

"I'm alright thank you Mrs. Win- I mean Mary. We grabbed some breakfast on the road." It feels strange calling Mary by her first name, but she obviously likes it better this way.

"You sure? We have some juice and beer in here, so feel free to help yourself okay? And there are snacks in the pantry" she shuts the fridge and points to the tall pantry beside it.

"Thank you, really, but please don't worry about me. Is there anything I can do to help?" I walk cautiously over to Dean's side, and he almost spits out his soda.

"Oh it's fine honey, just get some rest. Dean and I have got this" Mary waves her hand dismissively and then gets out a chopping board and knife.

"Yeah, Cas, please, for god's sake, do not try to help" Dean jokes. Mary frowns curiously at us, but before she can open her mouth to ask what he means, Sam does it for her.

"Why not?" He asks with a grin.

"Dude, Cas is like, the worst at baking." Dean is still smiling as he explains to them what a clutz I am in the kitchen. Sam laughs when Dean tells them about how I keep setting off the fire alarm, or occasionally burning myself, and how I once forgot to add any raising agents to my cake. I facepalm and beg for him to stop.

"I don't know why you kept trying, Cas, like, I'm seriously so glad you don't bother anymore." He bumps my shoulder lightly and I'm pretty sure I'm blushing fiercely by now.

"You make it sound so much worse than it is." I narrow my eyes at him menacingly before pushing off of the counter and going to join Sam at the dining table.

"Oh come on. Don't give up on yourself, Castiel" Mary walks over to me and places a hand on my shoulder. "I could use some help peeling the apples" She says it like and invitation, and when I look into those familiar, gentle green eyes, I just can't say no.

"Okay" I stand back up slowly and follow her, "though I have to warn you. Dean wasn't really exagerating. Baking is not my forte" I concede and move around Dean to wash my hands in the sink.

"Well then, let's try and change that shall we?" Mary looks so excited to be teaching me how to bake, and so I endulge her. I tell her about all the things I do wrong and she tells me how to do it right. After I've peeled the apples, she shows me how to slice them really thin, and alternates between checking on me, checking on Dean, who is making the actual dough, and working on the pumpkin filling. All the while, Sam is doing something called the pi day challenge on his laptop, and he occasionally asks us for help on the more difficult questions. At some point there was a box of crackers going around and I ate some of those. All of us are cooperating so well together, and I honestly can't believe I haven't wrecked anything yet- well except for the little cut on my thumb, but that's nothing.

"Okay. So the fillings are done." Mary says mostly to herself, then she gets the pie crusts out of the fridge and places them on the counter. "Dean, the crusts are done chilling, you want to show Cas how to shape them?" She calls out.

"Yeah, sure" Dean gets up from beside his brother at the dining table and gives Sam a quick pat on the shoulder before walking over to me. He looks down at the crust he created and slowly unwraps the cling-film from on top of the smooth ball.

"I put a lot of effort into this beautiful ball of dough, Castiel Novak, so don't you dare ruin it" He runs his fingers gently along the surface and then looks up at me solemnly, like he's debating whether or not to let me touch his "beautiful ball of dough".

I bite my lip nervously and nod.

"Okay then." He gives me another cautious glance before morphing into teacher mode. "First things first. Dust the surface with flour. Always dust your surface, Cas" he explains as he expertly sprinkles flour onto the counter. Then he divides the dough into three equal pieces with a knife, and places the first one in the middle of the counter. I watch as he rolls it out with a wooden rolling pin until it's about a centimeter thick. He keeps flipping it over now and then, and adding flour. He doesn't speak and I don't even move. I just watch silently.

"Okay. So that's done, now we just have to put it into the pie pan." He says as he reaches across me for the pan. "Hey. Can you grab that butter from behind you?" He nods toward the open packet of butter on the counter and I quickly hand it to him.

"Thanks. Always remember to grease your baking dish" he points a buttered-up finger at my face and proceeds to rub it onto the pan. I hum in acknowledgement and watch as he rolls the large circle of dough onto the rolling pin, and then uses the pin to unravel the dough onto the baking pan. "Be careful not to rip or crease the dough as you put it in the pan. It can get tricky sometimes" he says as he tucks the dough into the pan carefully and cuts off the edges which are sticking out.

"You know, you're really good at this, Dean." I am thoroughly impressed by this whole process. I've eaten Dean's homemade pies before, but actually seeing him here, in his home, making them with his mother is just so heart-warming. I still feel like I'm an intruder, even though no one else seems to see me that way, but I'm still really happy to be a part of all this.

"Thanks Cas. I'm seriously hoping some of that rubbed off on you because now it's your turn." He hands the pan to Mary so she can begin filling it, and then takes one of the two lumps of dough and places it in my hands. Our fingers brush against each other, and my hands fill with warmth even though the dough is so cold. He's so close to me that I can see his freckles, and the look in his eyes is telling me that he's literally put his trust in my hands, and he's hoping he hasn't made a mistake. "You can do this" he says softly before taking a step back and gesturing towards the flour-covered countertop. I swallow and look down at the lump of dough in my hands. I can do this, I repeat in my mind, before placing the dough onto the counter and rolling it out slowly. I try to mimick Dean's actions, and other than to strange non-circular shape, the dough seems fine. I can't tell if it's thin enough or not, so I ask Dean to check it. He lifts it up gently and tells me that it's a bit uneven, and that he can straighten it out. I give him the rolling pin, and watch as he goes over the dough a few more time, pushing harder on some areas than others.

"You just didn't apply the same ammount of pressure all over, so some parts were thicker than the others" he explains when he's done. "But it's not a big deal. This is actually really good, Cas" he smiles softly, his green eyes shimmerring. "Hey. Dude, breathe." He straightens and places a hand strongly on my shoulder, making it droop. I release the tension in my upper body and take a deep breath. Dean drops his hand and continues his instruction. I haven't been this close to him for this long in quite a while, and I realize now how much I missed it. But every time he smiles at me, I also remember why I need to keep some distance between us. Dean might have been chill about me being gay, but he sure as hell won't be as tolerant if he finds out he's the one I'm harboring a huge gay crush on.

I'm careful not to touch Dean as I reach accross him for the butter, after which I slowly rub a little dolop onto the surface of the pan. I then roll the dough onto it the same way I saw Dean do it. He sees me struggling and silently helps me press the dough carefully into the corners and cut off the large exess. It looks so perfect that I can't believe I had anything to do with it.

"Dude" He looks pleasantly surprised, and even a bit impressed "you did it."

"I guess I did" I reply incredulously. "Thank you. I-I couldn't have done it without you."

"No, you couldn't have, so you're welcome." He winks at me playfully and I fight the urge to lean over and kiss him. I win the fight, this time.

"Good job, Castiel!" Mary appears behind me and gives me a pat on the back before picking up the crust and inspecting it. "I knew you could do it." She smiles and places it on the other counter, where she pokes the crust with a fork several times and then fills it with apple's.

"Oh yeah, and you have to make holes in the crust so that it doesn't get air bubbles!" Dean adds after noticing his mother completing the final step. "So, you wanna do the last one? Or am I pushing my luck?" Dean quirks an eyebrow at me.

"You do it. I think I've had enough for today" I raise my hands in surrender and go wash them before returning to watching Dean prepare the final pie crust. I don't think I could ever get tired of watching Dean bake; he just looks so beautiful like this. So happy.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Cas, you wanna come look at this?" Sam's voice pulls me out of my reverie, and I immediately push off of the counter and go over to him. He explains to me the algebra question and we work through it together. A few moments later, Mary asks Sam to get off of his butt and come help clean up. He obeys, getting up immediatey to help his mom. Seeing as though the three of them seem to have things under control, I pull Sam's laptop close and analyze pi day challenge question number 38-I can't help but glance at Dean every once in a while. I don't really focus much on the question because I'm too busy watching him dancing around his family in the kitchen, smiling and laughing. Eventually the trio finish up, and Dean tells me that we should take a break while the pies bake. I nod and follow him to the living room. He offers me one of the beers he's holding and I take it. We automatically sit down right beside each other on the couch before I realize that I probably shouldn't have done that. I dont bother scooting away though, because suddenly I'm too exhausted to care that our knees and thighs are touching. Time had flown by so quickly in the kitchen, but once I sit down, I realize just how tired my muscles are; they feel like they're filled with cement. I lean back into the cushions and take a sip of beer. Sam sits down beside me and switches on the TV. We watch the news in comfortable silence, until Mary informs us that the pies are done.

"Baking is exhausting" I say to no one in specific as I slowly get up from the couch.

"Tell me about it" Dean sighs.

"But totally worth it" Mary adds, ever so buoyant.

The three of us make our way back to the kitchen, which smells of butter and fruits and happiness. When I reach the counter, I see three pies with the pi symbol carved into them, and they look amazing. Dean gleefully takes a picture of them with his phone, and after a moment decides to take a selfie too.

"Everybody get in here" he directs as he turns to fit us all in the phrame. We quickly lean in and he takes two pictures.

"Are you sure you don't wanna take that again, Dean? I think there's some drool drippng down your face." Sam asks with mock seriousness.

"Bite me, Sammy" Dean narrows his eyes at his brother before returnign hsi attention to the pies.

"Okay. So" Mary places her palms on the counter and leans forward slightly, "You boys wanna eat some dinner first, or shall we just dig in?" Her smile tells me that she is all for option number 2, and when Dean snorts beside me, we all have our answer.

"Pies it is then!" She chirps "Which one would you like to have first, Cas?"

"Oh. I really don't mind anything. And please serve Dean his slice first; he looks ready to explode" I meet his eyes and he shoots me a wide grin; I hear Sam snicker beside me.

"Give us the cherry, Mom, and thanks" Dean says and Mary does just that. After handing us our plates, she cuts a slice of pumpkin for Sam, and Apple for herself and we eat our pies together at the dining table. We're too busy enjoying ourselves to speak, and excpet for a few soft moans and sighs, and a "Oh God, this is even better than and orgasm" from Dean, it's quiet. The pies are absolutely divine, and the whole time I'm eating them I keep thinking about how miraculous it is that I didn't mess this whole thing up. This day has been so perfect, and some deep, dark part of me is just waiting for it to go wrong. I haven't had this much fun in a long time, and it feels amazing. Dean's family has been nothing but kind and loving towards me, and I'm beginning to feel like I actually am one of them. I always feel awkward when I'm spending time with them, but they seem to see that, and make me feel even more at home. Dean truly was a godsend for me, and I realize that I'm being unfair by wanting even more from him. It was the rare moments like these which helped me to accept that Dean and I will only ever be friends, and that either way, I'm lucky to have him in my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I feel a little disoriented when I wake up in the unfamiliar guest room of the Winchester house. I can't remember the last time I slept anywhere other than my bed-except for maybe the occasional crashing at Charlie's. It feels odd, but in a good way, because I'm really looking forward to another day with Mary and Sam; they're growing on me. I check the time and see that I've slept later than usual, probably because of the exhaustion from yesterday. We ended up watching a movie after dinner and it got late. I had excused myself at around eleven, but after showing me to my room, Dean went back down to spend some more time with Sam.

I pick up my jeans and hoodie from where they lay abandoned on the floor. I put on the jeans, and leave the hoodie, which has got flour stains and smells of butter, where it is. Thankfully, I remember that Dean had packed me an extra t shirt, so I put on the jeans and creep out of my room and down the hall to the bathroom. Sam had left me a toothbrush last night, which I used, and then washed my face and patted down my hair. I still needed a shirt though, so I made my way back to Dean's room and debated whether or not I should go in. I didn't want to knock and wake him up, and I didn't want to just barge in without permission either; even though we live in the same room, I feel like he deserves some privacy at least in his own home. After a minute I decide to just go downstairs and see if anyone else is awake. When I get to the kitchen, it's empty, but I can hear a shower running in Mary's room, so I know that she will be out here soon. I'm not as hungry as I am thirsty, so I just poor myself a glass of apple juice and take it out onto the porch. The street is fairly silent, except for the odd car which passes by once, and the old lady who comes out to water her plants. This neighborhood feels cozy, and for some reason I feel like I could really get used to living in a place like this. Having grown up in an apartment with a workaholic dad and mostly absent older sister, I am accustomed to solitude, and even enjoy it. I hadn't realized until now though, how much more enjoyable it is to be part of a family. Spending one day in Dean's home had felt like living a chilhood dream I'd never bothered pursuing.

Although the sun is up, the morning air is chilly, and so I gulp down my juice and quietly go back inside. This time I can hear rustling coming from the kitchen, and when I get there I see Mary preparing some coffee. Her back is to me and so she starts when I say hello.

"Oh! good morning Castiel. You're up early!" She smiles easily, but she can't keep her eyes from scanning my exposed body. I can tell that she wasn't expecting there to be a 4-pack under the baggy hoodie I was wearing yesterday.

"Yeah, uh, sorry if I startled you" I place my glass on the counter and hug my arms close to my chest."So um, may I ask for a favor please?"

"Yes ofcourse. What is it?" She looks through the fridge for a bit, but doesn't find what she wants and shuts the door.

"My spare shirt is still in Dean's duffel, and I didn't want to wake him, so I was wondering if maybe you had one lying around somewhere, or something?" I lift my shoulders lightly and nibble on the inside of my cheek while Mary thinks.

"Umm" she frowns thoughtfully before looking up at me and shaking her head slowly, "I really don't think I've seen anything lying around in my room. I'm sorry hon, but you know what" she smiles brightly again, "just go upstairs and grab your shirt from Dean's room. You must have noticed what a deep sleeper he is and I'm sure he won't even notice."

"Oh. Um. Okay. I guess" Dean was a deep sleeper, and he didn't usually get up before 2 on the weekends, so what was there to be worried about?

"You two live together Castiel. Just go." She flicks her wrist dismissively and I nod. She did have a point.

I climb the wooden stairs silently except for a few squeaks. Both Sam and Dean's doors are still closed, and I walk slower than I need to just because I'm paranoid. When I reach Dean's door I take a deep breath and pray that it's not a squeaky one. It is, and so I try to push it open quickly to end the painful screach as soon as possible. I hold my breath and wait in the doorway for Dean to wake up. He stirs and turns over so I can see his face, and his shoulders-his bare shoulders, but remains asleep. When I finally manage to drag my gaze away from Dean, I can't help but look around at the room where he grew up. I'd only been in here once before, when dean brought me home for thanksgiving, and the palce hasn't changed one bit. It's well decorated with posters and books and all sorts of band-related things. I can't stop myself from snooping around just a little bit; I didn't realy pay attention to it last time. I walk over to his desk and look at all the pictures: there's one of Dean and Sam with they're parents, but they're very young because John died when Dean was 10. He never told me how. My favorite is the picture of Dean with his brother and mother on his graduation. He looks almost the same exept for the stubble and the faint eye-wrinkles which have recently begun to form on his face. When I check over my shoulder, Dean is still fast asleep, but I'm starting to feel like a creep so I decide not to hang around any longer. I see the duffel bag on the floor by the foot of Dean's bed and carefully unzip it. At that moment all my luck runs out and a loud song which I recognize as Dean's phone ringtone, fills the air. I freeze. Dean wakes with a groan and fumbles for his phone with half-open eyes. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as his gaze finally lands on me.

"Cas?" His eyes widen and he blinks a couple of times, but he quickly gets over the shock and answers his phone. He sits up, making his blanket fall and expose his bare torso. Crap. Dean sleeping shirtless was a rare blessing, and the sight made my heart beat like a hummingbird. I had to get out of here and away from that perfect, soft yet strong 6-pack abdomen as soon as possible. I rumage through the duffel for my shirt and pull it out. By this time, Dean is done telling the person that he will call them back, and has hung up. I've freed myself from my trance and am on my feet; I can feel Dean's eyes on me before I see them.

"Uhh-I was just, um" I lift up my shirt as an explanation and take a few steps backwards, trying to look anywhere but at Dean. I'm really hoping that he will smirk or laugh or just do something to break this awkward tension, but instead he remains silent, his brows slightly raised and his lips parted. I can feel the blood rushing to my face under Dean's gaze. I feel exposed, and he's looking at me in a way that I've only ever dreamed of being looked at. In fact, I must actually be dreaming-or hallucinating, because Dean Winchester is my straight best friend, and he would not be looking at me like he's admiring an abstract piece of art; it's just my mind playing tricks on me. It's probably only been a second, but I feel like hours pass before I finally find my voice and manage to squeak out a "sorry".

"Uh-"

I don't wait for his response, I just scurry out the door as fast as I can before I can do anything else to embarrass myself. I don't look back until I've reached my room, where I throw myself onto the bed and let out a tiny little frustrated scream into a pillow.


	6. Chapter 6

Although I would love to jump out the guest room window and run far away from Dean and my painful infatuation with him, my stomach isn't very supportive of that plan. I've been hiding out for over 2 hours- except for a quick run to the bathroom and back for a shower, and at this point, I'm honestly too hungry to care about anything else. I let out a long sigh before slowly opening the door and making my way downstairs. I see Sam sitting in the living room and he acknowledges my presence with a smile and a quick wave before looking back down at his laptop. I walk past him and into the kitchen, which thankfully is empty. I can faintly hear Mary watching TV in her room, but Dean is nowhere to be found. Good. Hopefully he stays gone for a bit longer because I really don't think I'm ready to face him yet. I quietly make myself a bowl of cereal and eat it standing by the fridge. I'm almost done eating when I hear the sound of a loud, rusty, motor-like that of a lawn-mower. It sounds very close, and so I look out the window to try and locate it's origin; and that's when I see him. He's wearing a tight Metallica t shirt with a pair of shorts, and his hair is messy and unstyled. I'm pretty sure I'm salivating as I rake my eyes over the perfection that is Dean Winchester's body, and I don't even care. I get a good 3 minutes of admiring his toned, bow-shaped legs before he finally spots me. He stops for a second and smiles, before continuing down the front yard. I abruptly look down and turn away, because I'm so great at acting chill and inconspicious, right? I decide that I need to distract myself, and so I return to the guest room and immediately begin doing some homework. I lose myself in my writing assignment, and so when I hear a knock on the door about an hour later, I feel like my mind has suddenly drifted back into my body. I can never get used to that feeling. Another thing I can never get used to, is Dean in shorts. His whole outfit should be illegal.

"Hey Cas, what are you up to?" Dean pushes the door open further, but doesn't enter. The first thought that comes to mind-well technically the second, because as I said, hot damn, those legs- is that I should apologize for earlier. I want to explain to him that I'm not a creepy stalker, and that I respect his privacy, but none of those words come out.

"Just, um, doing some homework." myhtroat feels dry and I clear it loudly. Dean nods, looking like he's debating what to say next, and I wait silently for the few tense seconds that it takes for him to reply. I keep thinking that I should say something, but I don't.

"Okay. I just wanted to let you know that I'm heading out, to like just meet up with some old friends," He points with his thumb behind his back, "and I can see that you're busy and stuff, so you don't have to come." He's being fidgety, and he rarely ever does that.

"Yeah, it's fine. Just go ahead" I lift one shoulder and force a smile.

"Alright. Okay. Great" His shoulders drop ever so slightly and he gives me a tight smile. "If you need anything, just give me a ring." He grabs the door handle and waits for me to nod before slowly pulling the door shut behind him,

"See ya Cas."

"Bye" I say to the closed door. I sigh and lean back with my hands clasped behind my neck. I wish I knew how to say goodbye, like really bid this whole situation farewell. I wish I could go back to having sex without my best friend popping into my head, and sitting on the couch without feeling awkward about every little accidental touch. I wish I could have a conversation with my roommate without getting the urge to rip his clothes off and shove my tongue down his throat. I just really wish I hadn't fallen for Dean Winchester.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this one is in Dean's point of view. hope you like it.

"Dean." Jo is giving me her death glare and I really don't think I'm gonna be able to get away with this one.

"I'm telling you the truth okay? He really didn't want to come." I slouch down in my seat and look out the windshield to avoid Jo's eyes.

"What do you mean he didn't want to hang out with me? What did you say to him?" She knew that I was lying, but fortunately, she put the car into drive and pulled out of the driveway anyways.

"I told you: he's busy doing an assignment. Dude's busy" I don't know why I really didn't want Cas to come with us, but I didn't.

"Dean. Come on. This isn't fair. Three years and I've only ever seen the guy like twice" She whined.

"I'm sorry Jo. Maybe next time, ok?" I knew it wasn't fair, but I also knew that Jo would forgive me.

"Not Maybe. Definitely. I wanna get to know Cas. And soon you guys will have graduated and this will all be over, so don't keep me waiting."

I look over at her and nod, letting the weight of her words sink in. God knows I've been dreading the thought of graduation for this very reason; saying goodbye to Cas. When I first met him, I was worried about how compatible we would be as roommates, and now, three years later, I can't even imagine a life without him. He's my best friend, and I him, but recently, things have begun to get awkward between us. There are these rare, tiny moments sometimes, when I look at Cas, and I see just how truly beautiful he is. Like when he's slicing up apples with a focused look on his face, or when he shows up half-naked in my bedroom. It's moments like these that make me question my sexualty sometimes. and it's freaking scary. I wish I could say Cas was the only one who made me question my straight-ness, but he wasn't: He was just the first. The first person who I felt like platonic love did not do our relationship justice. I am Dean Winchester, the heterosexual aquarius who enjoys frisky women. The fact that I might find a certain 4-pack of abs aesthetically pleasing will not change who I am. It will not.

I shake all these nonsensical thoughts out of my head and take a deep breath of fresh air. I can smell the burgers frying inside the road house and I can feel a tiny smile pulling at my lips. Walking into "Harvelle's roahouse" is like walking into my home. This is the place where Jo and I have spent countless nights beating each other's high scores in the arcade games and getting drunk. I was raised on Ellen's food, and Bobby's old hunting stories. They were like an extra set of parents sent from heaven just for me.

"Hey kiddo" Ellen's face splits into a wide grin as she walks over to us from behind the bar and wraps me into a tight hug. "How you been?"

"I'm good, Ellen. It's great to see you." I smile as she pulls away and steps back.

"There he is. Finally got some time to come and make sure your old uncle Bobby is still breathing, eh?" Bobby appears behind Ellen and although his smile would be imperceptible to most, I see it clear as day.

"Hey Bobby." I can't help but grin as he pulls me into a quick hug. Bobby was like a father to me, and probably loved him the most.

"You're lookin' good, boy." He says, patting my back roughly.

"Thanks Bobby. You too. How's everything doin' here?"

"It's pretty good. Sam stops by once in a while and so it don't get too boring, but we do miss ya, son." He gestures for me to take a seat at the bar and I do.

"And we've gotten Ash to cut down on the...substances. So he actually gets some work done once in a while" Ellen adds, nodding towards said Ash, who was taking orders from a group of women.

"Well, if there was anyone who could straighten him up, it's you" I chuckle, waving at Ash as he swaggers over towards us.

"Dean Winchester." He offers me a lazy smile and I return it, surprised at his level of consciousness.

"Dr. Badass." I greet him using his infamous title and he smirks. he gives me a pat on the shoulder before flipping his long hair and following Bobby to the kitchen to prepare the orders he received.

Jo sits down beside me and offers me a beer, which I accept. I take a swig from it and remind myself that I need to pace myself for driving back to campus later. Ellen gets me a burger and when I bite into it, a thousand memories flood my mind. Good memories. Jo and I talk for hours about College and people and things, eventually coming to the topic of relationships. She tells me that she's seeing a guy called Derek, who is a repairmen. She shows me a picture of him, and I'm actually stunned.

"He's not bad." I say, knowing that it's an understatement. "Derek" has got gorgeous green-blue eyes and perfect hair, along with an impressive beard.

Jo snorts and pulls up a second picture. "Not bad, Dean?" She asks as she shoves her phone into my face.

This one is a selfie of him at the beach, and wow, if I thought his face was pretty, his pecs are a whole other story. I shouldn't be noticing this though, because I'm heterosexual, right?

"Okay, yeah, he's kinda hot." I concede, rolling my eyes, "How on earth did someone like you catch his eye?" I ask jokingly to clarify further my intentions.

"Hey!" Jo punches me in the arm and stares down lovingly at her phone before clicking it off. "So yeah, what about you? Spill the beans Winchester."

"Ehh, School's been keeping really busy these days. Haven't had much time for other stuff"" I mumble before taking a sip of beer. It wasn't a lie.

"Hmm" Jo's giving me her who-are-you-kidding look and it's seriously making me nervous.

"What?" I raise my eyebrows at her. I hadn't technically lied: my studies were quite intense.

"You tell me, Winchester." She deadpans, playing with a strand of her blonde hair.

"I was seeing this girl-I mean I guess I still am, but it's not serious. We just y'know, party around and hook up once in a while." Jo always had a way of making me spill my guts to her, but I hope she doesn't try to read into this too much, because I still don't know how to explain how I've been feeling recently. I'd been hooking up with Pamela for almost a month now, and sometimes I get the feeling she wants more than casual sex, but I don't dwell on those thoughts for too long. Ever since Lisa and I broke up last year, I haven't actually tried to get into a serious relationship, and while everyone thinks its because I'm not over her, I know deep down that it's because I'm afraid my sexuality compass might be broken, and it's really frustrating me.

"Okay" She says, "But are you okay with the way things are, or do you want a relationship?" There she was again, asking all the good questions.

"I'm just making it up as I go, Jo. I'm not even sure what I want," I look down and Jo seems to be satisfied for now, because she doesn't push for more.

"Hey uh, we should get going. I need to hit the road soon." I look down at my watch and point at it for emphasis, "I told Sam I'd be back soon anyways."

"Yeah, come on. I'll drop you off" Jo gives me a playful punch and her tiny smile lifts all the tension from my body.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm home!" I hear Dean's muffled voice even in my room upstairs, followed by some other talking which I can't decipher. I've heard that call a fair few times, but I'm sure Mary must miss it. I know I will when he's gone.

A few seconds later I hear footsteps thudding up the stairs, and then a knock on my door.

"Com-"

The door cracks open immediately, and a blonde head pops through the doorway. I would recognize that long, meticulous hair anywhere.

"Hey Cassie" Jo purrs, grinning as she pushes the door open fully.

"JoAnna!" I stand up and she envelops me in a hug.

"Dude, I missed you. How are ya?" She smiles and sub-consciously does her signature hair-flip.

"I'm okay. I'm really glad you stopped by." I can feel a wide smile spread over my lips as I let the moment sink in. I haven't seen Jo since I joined the Winchesters for thanksgiving last year, and I really have missed her the most. She is the one friend of Dean's which I hijacked and made my own. We've stayed in touch ever since we first met a couple of years ago, and seeing her is always a sight for sore eyes.

"Yeah, It's too bad your nerdy lil' ass was too busy doing homework to stop by the roadhouse." She gives me a gentle slap on the arm and I force my smile to hold.

"Yeah, Uh-I had an uh-Assignment" I nod several times, hoping that I don't look as confused as I feel. Apparently Jo was expecting me to join Dean today, but then why wouldn't he want me to come? Is this what Dean had been nervous about earlier?

"Well, either way, I'm glad Dean brought you down here. Mary's pies are the cure for all the pain in this world." She places a hand on her heart and licks her lips dramatically.

"Yes, they were absolutely divine" I chuckle, still tasting the spices from the apple pie I ate for a snack less than an hour ago.

"Speaking of, I'm gonna go try and eat as much of it as I can before Dean notices they're gone."

"Good luck with that." I snort, and she just winks at me.

"Come on." She leads me downstairs to the kitchen, and asks Mary for a slice of pumpkin pie, which she gives her happily.

"Oh my gooooood" Jo closes her eyes and moans after taking her first bite.

"I can't even. Mary you are amazing and I love you" Jo says around a mouthful of pumpkin, looking like she could die of happiness.

"I'm glad you like it, Jo." Mary says with an amused smile. "Castiel, you want some?"

"No thank you. I really your pies, but not all of us have Dean's ability to inhale them."

"That's true." Mary laughs. Jo just rolls her eyes.

"So what's new, Cas? Spill." It's more of a demand than a question, and as usual, I comply. I've never had a problem talking to Jo; for some reason I always felt at ease with her. I tell her everything about everything, from weird professors, to the new narcotics available on campus, and she tells me about life at KU and the guy she's dating: Derek something. It feels good to be spending time with her again, but soon she tells me that she has to leave, and pulls me into another hug. I hold onto her tightly for several seconds.

"Text me, okay? Stay in touch." She mumbles into my neck, and I nod.

"Ofcourse." I finally let go of her, and she smiles her mischievous smile before thanking Mary and sashaying out the door. I feel a warmth in my chest as I watch Bobby's old truck dive down the street, and although I kind of feel like I got cheated out of spending more time with Jo today, I am happy for what I got. I'm sure Dean is just annoyed that I became so close to Jo, and I don't blame him for wanting to spend time with his best friend alone, but it still doesn't feel right.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean and I leave at around 5 O'clock, after a delicious turkey sandwich lunch. I can see how difficult it is for Mary to say goodbye to Dean, even though she knows she will be seeing him very soon during spring break. I try to not feel too awkward as she hugs him for what feels like ages. Sam has an amused smile on his face the whole time, and it only gets wider when Dean pulls him into a quick hug too. I know probably better than anyone how much family means to Dean, and that devotion is only one of the many things for which I respect him so much.

"Cas" Mary's soft voice calls out to me and then suddenly she's wrapping her arms around my neck and I have just enough time to give her a gentle squeeze before she let's go. "Thank you so much for coming over. It means a lot to me that Dean invited you to spend some time with us. Don't be a strager, okay? This is your home too." She looks so genuine it breaks my heart. My own family had rarely ever looked at me with such love.

"Thank You, Mary. You're too kind." I know my smile is goofy and I probably look super embarassed, but It's not like I can hide things like that from Mary Winchester.

"Honey, you're family" She takes my left hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, "you know that, right?"

"Yes." I reply without even thinking, but after we leave the house and get back on the road, Mary's question remains in my mind. I said yes because that was the polite, easy thing to do, but is it true? Is the man sitting beside me, who drove me across several cities to include me in one of his favorite traditions, my family? Am I his family?

I want to believe that it's true, that Mary and Sam were so nice to me because they really have accepted that I'm a part of their lives, but it seems too good to be true. For them to love me like this, even after only meeting me a few times, Dean would have to have spoken about me quite a lot. How Sam remembered my major, minor and on-campus job was beyond my comprehension, and the way Mary just knew that I hate ketchup was astonishing. This whole thing is too perfect; the kid whose mom died and whose family was always too busy to really get to know him, finds a new home through his college roommate.

"Dean?" Somehow Dean hears me over the music and then lowers it a tiny bit to hear me better,

"Yeah, Cas?" He looks over at me briefly before returning his eyes to the road.

"You're family is really nice: Sam is so cool and your mom is pretty amazing, and I just wanted to make sure you know how much it means to me that we did this." I slide down in my seat and look out semi rolled-down window to avoid eye contact. I don't even know what I'm doing; I must sound so creepy and he's probably gonna say something like "no chick flick moments" right about now.

He doesn't. He takes his time coming up with a response, and when I sneak a peek at him, he catches my eye and I can see so many emotions flash across his face: confusion, pity, affection and determination.

"Cas, buddy, I can guarantee you that they were probably as happy as you-if not more, about this weekend. They really love you, man." His voice is full of sincerity, and Dean never lies to me, so I believe him. "We're family, yeah?" I know that he's expecting an actual answer, and his knuckles are going white from how tight he's holding the steering wheel, so I should probably give him one soon.

"Yeah" I choke out: I guess we are. He knows I'm insecure about this and he's trying so hard to make me feel loved. Why? I don't know. I have no idea why he cares about me so much, but he does, and that's all that matters.

"Great. Now that that's settled," He clears his throat, "no more chick flick moments at least for another, I don't know, lifetime!" He puts on his devilish grin and turns the music volume back up.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ONE YEAR LATER

Pi-day weekend with Dean had been wonderful and fun, but it did something terrible to me: it gave me hope. After being so close to Dean, and being accepted as a part of his family, I began to seriously consider asking him whether or not he might want to look at our relationship under a different light. For years I had worked on making peace with the nature of our relationship, but then he took me home and taught me how to make pie and ever since then, I've been seriously thinking about telling him how I feel. I'm a total coward ofcourse, so by the time I get over my fear and anxiety and muster up the courage to express my feelings, It's already graduation time. Today is our last day together and I'm too overwhelmed by my emotions to even register what is happening. The ceremony passes in a blur, and then we're getting our diplomas and people are cheering and hats are flying. I can't believe we finally did it. We graduated from college. I can feel my face hurting from all the smiling, and my heart is beating furiously as I make my way out of the auditorium, hugging my friends as I go. It's visible how light and cheerful the graduates are feeling, but I still have a burden to offload. I still have something very important to do. I see Dean hugging people and laughing as he says his goodbyes. Mary and Sam rush over to him and they get into a group hug for several moments. Sam looks so proud as he watches Mary holding onto Dean even after he steps away. I can see her shoulders shaking just a tiny bit as he whispers something into Dean's ear. Dean nods and buries his face in her hair, blocking it from sight. When they finally let go of each other, his eyes are shining and he wipes at them furiously, trying to prevent the tears from spilling. He's not applying to graduate school, so he's probably feeling this achievement on a whole other level. He must feel like he's been set free, and so who I am to try and chain him down to myself? How can I ask of him something so big? Suddenly the nerves are back and I panic as I try to walk away before he sees me. I'm already lost in the crowds when I hear him call out my name. I'm going to miss that sound.

"Cas!"

I turn around and he's standing right in front of me, so close I can smell his aftershave.

"I've been looking for you, man." He says as he pulls me into his arms. I wrap mine around his waist, struggling not to let any tears out. He keeps an arm around my shoulders even after we separate and leads me out of the auditorium.

"We did it, Cas. It's over" Like all of us, he's got a wide grin glued onto his face, and I hate myself for being the one to make it fall.

"Yeah. I can't believe we're done." I really can't belive that I'm never going to see Dean again; it feels impossible. "I'm going to miss you, Dean" I say, looking up from my feet and into his sparkling eyes. His smile droops a bit, and he gives me a strong squeeze before letting his arm drop.

"I'm gonna miss you too, buddy, but we're still in the same state, so I'm sure I'll see you around."

"I guess you might." Not after what I'm about to say, you won't. "Listen, In case we don't see each other anytime soon, though" My heart skips a beat and I really don't know where I'm getting the courage from to say this, but somehow I am, "I need to tell you something."

"Alright..." We stop walking and he looks at me with a concerned expression, "What is it?"

"Dean, I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but I was afraid that I might lose you, and so I guess since today is probably the last day we're ever going to see each other, I should tell you that I love you." I blurt it all out and he listens, one side of his mouth pulls up adorably.

"I know" He replies softly, and I can't believe my ears. Like literally cannot, and that's when I realize that I probably should have been more specific.

"No, Dean. I mean I'm in love with you." I step right up into his personal space and hold my breath as I take in his reaction.

His eyes get wide and his mouth falls open; he's in too much shock to even speak. "Wait, what? Oh. Shit, Cas. I-I" His surprise morphs into worry as he searches for the right words to shatter my heart. "You're family and I care about you, Cas, but its-I just-not like that. I'm-I'm so sorry" He purses his lips rubs the back of his neck, looking down to avoid my eyes.

I didn't have a plan for what happens after this moment, so I can't think of anything to do but leave. He doesn't let me though. As soon as I turn around he grabs my arm and gets back in front of me.

"Where are you going?" He asks, worry etched into his every feature. He doesn't want to lose me, and God knows I will never be able to survive without him, but he there's nothing either of us can do anymore. I've broken down a wall which can never be put back up.

"I don't know Dean, but I don't belong here with you." I memorize his beautiful face one last time before tugging my arm out of his grasp and running away from him. This time he doesn't stop me, and I don't think anyone could. I sprint away from my love, adn my fear and my problems and I don't stop until I'm about to pass out from a lack of oxygen. I hurt Dean and destroyed our friendship and broke my heart, all in a matter of seconds. It hurts so bad, and I wish I could say that I feel some kind of closure after finally getting it over with, but that would be a lie. I feel nothing but pain.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 YEARS LATER DEAN'S POV

I still feel strange at the Sidekick's saloon, but Jo insisted that since my gaydar was broken, this was the only way to find a guy-yes, a guy. I'm into guys. I can't belive it myself; my whole identity has changed dramatically over this last year, and sometimes I wake up in the morning feeling like I've screwed with the system of the universe and a meteorite is about to crash into Earth because of me. Other days ofcourse, I find myself balls-deep in a another male, and it's surprisingly fantastic. I'd been subtly questioning my sexuality in the back of my mind since forever, but I was too afraid of what those thoughts meant to really acknowledge them, so I locked them up. It took lots of time, effort, contemplation and (ofcourse) alcohol before I could accept this new aspect of myself. I've come a long way to reach this point, and one of the reasons I'm doing body shots off of a college kid tonight is because I'm trying to forget the person who started this whole thing. The first guy I ever loved-in a non-platonic way, and the first guy whose heart I broke because I was too afraid to accept that.

Cas.

Unfortunately, it was only after he told me how he felt, that I saw what had been there all along: all the little looks and touches that obviously meant so much more to him. I had fallen in love with my best friend, but I was too stupid to realize it in time, and it still haunts me sometimes. I wish I could just talk to him and try to fix things, but Cas made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with me, and I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have.

I down another drink and try to erase his face from my mind. His voice. Drink. His tear-filled eyes on graduation. Drink.

"So" Jo flips her hair over her shoulder, her fancy engagement ring glittering in the light."Anyone catch your eye yet?"

"Uhh- I mean" I gesture towards where the cheerleader we just did shots off of is standing. "That guy's obviously pretty hot."

"That he is" Jo chuckles, "Good thing I'm taken so I don't feel too bad about him swinging for the other team." I bump her shoulder gently and she shoves me back. "Go talk to him, Dean. The guy can barely stand in one place for 5 minutes".

Jo was right; cheerleader kid is already walking away and since I'm not even drunk yet, I decide to follow him. "Okay" I stand up slowly, hoping I'll be able to find him in the crowd.

"Go!" Jo gives me a reassuring look, and I flash her a sloppy grin before turning around and walking in the direction of the kid. I leave the bar area and slowly make my way across the dance floor and through the people. When I finally spot the shirtless boy in the KU shorts, I realize that I'm too late: he's already found someone else. Cheerleader kid has got this guy trapped against the wall, his arms blocking his face from my sight. Then, just as I had anticipated, they start kissing. Oh well.

I'm about to walk away when the Cheerleader's arms come down to mystery guy's waist, and when I finally get a good look at the man he's grinding, it really isn't a mystery at all. I recognize him immediately, even in the dim lighting; I could never forget that face, no matter how hard I tried.

Castiel.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back to Cas's POV in the same time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh and Michael wheeler is that werewolf kid from that one episode a long time ago. Idk why i chose him, he's hot.

Since it's a Friday night, Sidekick's is pretty crowded. I go up to the bar to place my order instead of waiting at my booth because it's faster. I ask for my regular mega burger and vodka soda, and that's when a familiar voice calls out my name.

"Professor Novak!" And suddenly here he is: Michael Wheeler, aka, the student who desperately wants to jump my bones.

"Michael" I sigh and take a cautious step back as he approaches me. He's shirtless. Why is he shirtless?!!

"I'm so glad I bumped into you" He says with fake innocence; he knows all too well that this is one of my favorite hangouts. "You must be here to celebrate the end of the semester." He smiles mischieviously, taking another step so he's just a few inches away.

"Yes. So I'm just going to go-"I try walk backwards, and stop suddenly when I feel the wall behind me. Crap. How did this happen?

Michael traps me between his arms, and I'm starting to get nervous because I can feel my determination melting. "Michael, please. You're my stude-"

He places a finger on my lips to silence me, and then lets it trail up my face before returning to his previous position. "You made that excuse last time, Professor Novak, but I'm not your student anymore, and I think" He leans forward onto me so that our body are flush against each other-God help me, I really don't think I can make myself say no to how good this feels. "We should celebrate that" He whispers right in my ear, giving me goosebumps all over. I don't have a chance to argue further because suddenly his lips have found mine, and-damnit, it feels so good. I know I should tell him to stop, but I just can't find the words.

"I guess you're right" I pant as he presses kisses down my neck. I feel so ecstatic when he's touching me that I've begun hallucinating too. At least, that's what I think it is, because when my eyes flutter open for a second, I see the face I've been trying to erase from my memory for years. The face of the first person I ever truly loved, and the one who made me realize how stupid love is. I blink a few times, and he's still there. He looks older, and somehow that makes him seem even more beautiful, but then again this is all just an illusion, right? My tired brain creating images of my beloved while another man is trying to kiss me.

Or is it?

"Michael. Stop." I push gently at his chest to stop him from kissing me again, but he's doesn't listen.

"Come on, Castiel" He purrs, taking my hands and lowering them.

"No. Look, I'm sorry, but I have to go." I push him harder this time, and when he sees the panic on my face, he takes a small step back, looking dejected.

"I really am sorry." I repeat as I quickly walk around him and right into a very real Dean Winchester.

"Oh. Sor....ry" My apology disintegrates in my mouth when I look into those drop-dead gorgeous eyes. Dean steadies me and quickly let's go of my arms, giving me a chance to stagger back a few steps. What the actual hell is happening to me today?

"Hey Cas" Hearing him say my name breaks me all over again, and for a long time, I'm too overwhelmed to speak.

"Dean." I say it like a question-or really multiple questions, because I am extremely confused right now.

"Uhh,-" He looks as surprised as I am, but his face slowly straightens, and his gaze falls down to his feet awkwardly. "D'you wanna sit down somewhere?" His eyes meet mine tentatively, and I can tell that he's pretty nervous.

I just nod numbly, leading him towards the bar. We sit down beside each other, and Benny places my food in front of me, but I can't even think about eating right now. All I can think about is Dean, who is sitting beside me, in a gay bar. What was that all about?

"What are you doing here, Dean?" I try not to think about who he is when I look at him, but I can feeel my old infatuation waking up from it's long sleep.

"I was actually here with Jo-"

"No. I mean here, in this bar. Don't you know what this place is?" I'm sure this must be one of Jo's pranks, because Dean is not gay. That, I know for sure. He isn't.

"Cas," He rubs his temples gently and then drops his hands to his lap "after....Graduation," He's avoiding looking at me, and there's even a little blush creeping onto his face. I try not to to admire the way it brings out his freckles, "Well. what you said really got me thinking, and eventually, I realized that I wasn't who I thought I was, and so I started talking to a therapist, and she helped me kind of, uh, accept myself." His eyes flit cautiously up to mine for a brief second, and I can tell that this is difficult for him to say to me, but I don't care enough to make it any easier. I can't even think. I can't move, I can't breathe out of fear of what he's about to say.

"Cas, I'm gay" He sighs, and that's it. I'm done. I stumble out of my chair and run. I can't deal with this. I can't. It reminds me of the last converstation we had, but this time, it's different, because Dean follows me. He grabs me and pulls me into his chest, holding onto me as I try to stop my hyperventilation. Dean is gay. DeAN iS GAy. DEAN WINCHESTER IS GAY. WHAT.

"Breathe, Cas" He whispers soothingly into my hair, and I stop squirming. Somehow I always listen to Dean. He's my greatest weakness and, in our time together, he was always my greatest support.

"I'm so sorry, buddy. Please don't go."" He rocks me genlty back and forth, and I use the feeling of his heart beating under my palms to calm down. I close my eyes and I allow myself to melt into his touch, taking in his warmth. His apologies are all I can hear in the crowded in the room, His eyes are all I can see in the darkness behind my eyelids. His hands on my back are all I can feel, and it's glorious. At least for the few blissful minutes before I get pulled back into the reality of this situation. He realized he was into guys and he never told me. He was too late and I had to suffer because of it. It makes me mad, and as much as I want to hate him, I just can't.

"I don't wanna lose you again, Cas" He whispers, and I lift my head to look at his face. There's fear in his eyes, but it's a different kid of fear; the kind I had when we last spoke. Fear of rejection.

"I don't want to lose you either." Dean has had my heart all along, and God knows I would do anything to have him back. I feel stupid and pathetic crawling back into his arms after all that he did to me, but love IS stupid, and I'd feel more pathetic without it.

He lowers his forehead to mine, and there's so much emotion in his gestures that he doesn't even need to speak, but he still does.

"I'm sorry I took too long to realize how I felt" He clears his throat and his eyes "How I feel about you" He slowly opens his eyes and his jaw tenses. I see now how vulnerable I make him, and I can't hate him anymore becasue love screws with us all. Some more than others. "And I get that I'm probably too late, and you've moved on with your life, but" He leans back to look into my eyes, and his hands find their way to my cheeks, "If you could please just give me a second chance, I swear I won't let you down."

He's so completely sincere, and it feels surreal to have his heart in my hands for a change. He obviously doesn't know how badly I want that second chance; in fact, after the whole thing with Michael tonight, he probably thinks I've got lots of people lining up to be with me-whether or not that is true is irrelevant. It's kind of nice having our roles reversed for once, and I try to suppress a smile as I wrap my arms around Dean's neck. "Well" I let out a long, dramatic sigh, "How do I know you mean it, Dean?" I tilt my head to the side, and a knowing smile immediately appears on his lips. He looks as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"I have a few ideas" He licks his lips slowly, seductively, and that's the last thing I register before he starts kissing me. When our lips connect, my brain just shuts off, and suddenly, all there is, is Dean. It's just the two of us in the universe and nothing else, no one else. What started out as gentle and cautious, quickly became desperate and heated. He's kissing me like this is his last day on earth, and I'm holding onto him for dear life because this feels way too good to be true. I let my hands roam all over him, making sure that this is real and not a dream that I'm just gonna wake up from when I open my eyes.

"let's get out of here" I gasp, grabbing his hand and dragging him out to my car.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is it. Dean and Cas get their happy ending. Please leave some comments and tell me if you liked it!! Thanks y'all!

I'm going to have to get used to waking up in Dean's arms. It's extremely comfortable and I don't ever want to leave. His face is inches away from mine, and so I can't stop myself from doing what I had been resisting for years: I reach out and touch him. I start with his nose, gently mapping his freckles with my fingertips, then his cheeks, and his lips. I let my hand trail down his naked torso and that's when he starts to wake. He opens his eyes and smiles lazily, moving the hand which was on my hip up to my cheek, leaving a trail of fire behind it.

"Sorry" I whisper and lean over to drop a light kiss on his nose, "go back to sleep" I kiss his forehead, his cheekbones, the corners of his lips, his chin.

"No thanks" His husky voice rumbles in my ear as he pulls me onto him and brings his lips to mine. I let out a little moan in his mouth and I can feel his lips curl up under mine.

"Now this is how I wanna wake up in the morning." He smiles up at me like he's the luckiest man in the world and I've never felt so special in my whole life.

"Is this even real?" I think it is, but I can't shake the feeling that this is all too good to be true. I search his eyes for any hint of regret or worry, but there is none. All I see is joy, and love.

"I hope so." He takes my hand into his and presses a kiss into my palm.

"Me too. I don't want this to ever end." I push some stray hairs out of his absent-mindedly as he wraps his arms tighter around my waist

"It won't. I promise I'm not going anywhere." He lifts his face and kisses me again, gently, lovingly, sealing the deal for eternity.

"Good, because neither am I." I rest my head on his chest, and let the soothing sound of his heart put me back to sleep. Somehow I know that when I wake up, he will still be right here, by my side, because Dean just doesn't lie to me, and I never lie to him. We are where we belong, and nothing in the world can take this away from us. Ever.


End file.
